23 years

what a bizarre night last night. after a week of disappointments (followed by a week of motivation and confidence) on the job app front, finally began to see forward progress on the site at work. planned a meeting with fred and barb and jeff and co on capitol hill to see Capote, then missed the bus in the crush downtown (sonics game + various shows). caught one wrong one, caught one right one, arrived 5 minutes before showtime. loved the film, then went with barb and fred to wonderful viet place named green papaya a couple of blocks from the theater. all happiness until i got home, barb snapping over me almost hitting her plastic sawhorses with the car in the garage, then getting big mail from dad. erma's resisting dialysis to improve kidney function still. worse, he's got mild diabetes now and he contracted a foot infection that put him in the hospital for a week and after he got out is having to quit teaching and get a nurse's aide in to administer antibiotics i.v. to kill the infection. and then joanie calls to say the celebration barb had wanted with all our friends for anno 23 may be off 'cause scott may decide to go to the football game with tom and keely instead of going out to snohomish with us. god damn. so barb and i watch a perfectly terrible movie instead and then i dream i'm telling joanie this on the phone but i awake and i'm not and my dad's still home and i don't know what the hell to do. my dad has always had the virtue (for a dad) of letting us know everything's under control. this is coupled with the vice that he loses his shit completely and turns completely inward when things begin to slip away from him. like, no calls, and even my offer of a visit i bet gets rebuffed. (and barb is all ready to climb on the plane, bless her.) so it's another cold and grey saturday. week after we go off daylight savings time and that's typically the worst: darkest, and this time (like many years) it's also when the temp drops 15 degrees and the rains come and the winds with them. so i wish i could share in the joy that it's the weekend, just don't know what the rest of it (or at least the rest of today) holds.