something i figured out

i've always thought of my father as a worrier. fortunately, he also made me feel like he had things under control and there was always something you could do no matter how bad things got. my mom and he taught me that in times of real emergency, make sure the field of vision is small and focused. one thing i can say about my childhood that no matter what other damage or distrust i got, i never felt like if the worst happened i'd rather be in anyone's hands but my parents'.

this morning i overreact to barb talking about sangha-related stuff. i recognize that she needs time away from me, away from talkative, sweet dan working on the house. so i go upstairs to do laundry, write, rip CDs, change the music on the player, go to scottie's later. i have been busy this week, am staying busy through the weekend. and i finally figured out something that always puzzled me about people like my dad and eric artzt, who go crazy if they don't have something to do. i guess it's like physical exercise being the best antidepressant: when you have something to accomplish, whatever the importance or time commitment, you have less attention span to devote to going over future guesses and possibilities, eventually focusing on the scary ones. i know there were inherited chemicals involved (a bunch of us get the sad gene: me, mom, sometimes i think melissa and jessie) but i also know that spending 2000 after we got back from italy not knowing what to do left me to worry about money all through 2000-2001 (plus there was that pesky Presidential election). so yeah, it's good for me to keep my hands busy. maybe our brains are gyroscopic: keep 'em spinning, or they begin to tip.